Blonde Mombitions

Battling a double whammy of hypothalamic amenorrhea and tubal infertility, I am IVFing my way to a family at 25.

May 19

I’m alive…I swear! 11 weeks!

by Allie

11 weeks 1 day today. My how time flies when you’re a bad blogger!

I promise there’s been good reason for my absence…lots of craziness going on these days. We put our condo on the market on May 7 and getting it ready was a wayyy bigger task than anticipated! We are hopeful that we can sell it, buy a house, and close by August so that we can move before I hit 24 weeks. We shall see…

Our NT scan is a week from yesterday. Woohoo! I am so excited to see our babies. We had a super quick, super grainy ultrasound at our OB appt. on May 1st (8 weeks 4 days), so I really don’t feel like we have seen them since our 7 week viability scan. Eek!

My nausea has gotten a lot better and my belly has gotten a lot bigger. 9 weeks-ish was when I suddenly felt like whoa…pants + waist are no longer friends! Granted, my weight gain has been solid this whole time (thats a topic for another day…I won’t get into the mountain or overwhelming issues I’m having with it!) but I am fairly certain that my growing uterus is the main reason I’ve adopted belly bands as my new best friend. The one thing I don’t love about having this round tummy all of a sudden is that I am not ready to come out of the closet yet…so I pretty much have to be okay with everyone assuming I’m just fat, I guess maybe they can wonder if I’m pregnant too. Little from column A, little from column B!

Other news is that I am officially phasing out any jogging and trying to swim as much as I can. Despite not loving my new swimsuit bod, I do love the way I feel during and after a swim. So happy I got back into it this early on.

I will update again in a few days and maybe, just maybe, post a bump pic if I can get up the gumption to allow a picture of myself to be taken and publicized! Is it becoming clear how bad this body image crap is? It’s bad. Boo hiss. I already had a big talk with Brandon about it and it’s clear he’ll never understand how deep this crap goes for me. I just want to do what is most important for my babies, which I know is gaining weight, and gaining more than I envisioned when I imagined myself pregnant. I am doing that and trying to enjoy my pregnancy with everything I have, and I think I am succeeding. I just will never be comfortable with my body being so out of my control!

See I said I wasn’t going to get into it…but I did. To anyone else out there that’s a recovered ED-er, now pregnant or pregnant with twins, please let me know how you were able to accept and love your body throughout this whole process (note: I love that my body is carrying these babies, I just don’t love the way it looks or feels and I’m really anxious about how much more it will change).

Okay really, that’s all about that!! Will try to stay level-headed and be a good blogger from here on out. :-)

IRL stuff Pregnancy Twins

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Apr 22

Excitement, Tips and Questions from a Twin Dad-to-be

by Brandon

Hello Blonde Mombition community!

After a long time eagerly reading and encouraging Allie to blog, she has graciously allowed me to join her every now and again in posting here. I have been so excited these past few weeks and needed a place to share since we are waiting to tell many of our friends and family.

Before I start, I want to thank all of you for your heartfelt support for Allie, I know the support she gets here and on the Fertile Thoughts message board means the world to her so thank you!

After our positive test and definitely after our joyful Easter discovery, my mind and heart have been on overdrive. I can’t stop thinking about the two little lives growing inside my wife and what I can do to help and prepare. I have looked for other blogs from the dads of twins (and of course I enjoy reading many of your blogs with Allie), but I have yet to find a blog from a prospective dad of twins that starts during pregnancy. Do you have any suggestions?

Here are just a few tips I have learned in the short time we’ve had two on the way, in case there are other prospective dads out there who would like to know or share:

1. Try to help with food and morning sickness: I found some great candied ginger at a local natural foods store that seems to help some. Don’t run out of good whole wheat crackers!

2. Reading the daily What to Expect app on my iPhone is one of the things I look forward to each day, and the weekly update is even more of an event! It helps me understand what’s going on and gives prospective dad tips as well as updates on what is happening with our babies.

3. Ask for updates. Our wives are going through a ton, sometimes it’s so natural to them they don’t share it unless you ask. I like getting texts at work, even if they are just “man I feel like crap” because then I can be a part of it.

4. Don’t read about negative things that can happen, as long as your wife is staying healthy and doing the right things all you can do together is stay positive and pray.

5. Talk and plan together. It helps you both focus on the life or lives you are bringing into the world. Don’t stress about it though, remember happy babies were born with very little all around the world.

6. Spend time alone together, from all I read there will be very little of that in 8 or 9 short months :)

Those are my humble tips so far. Any more from all of you?

UPDATE: Thanks to Nico, I went exploring on Stirrup Queens and found a fair amount of male perspective blogs in what she calls the Situation Room.  They are very interesting, I am hoping to find some that are about where we are and updated a bit more often. Thanks again Nico!

Dad to Be Pregnancy Twins

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Apr 20

7 weeks and double lub-dub

by Allie

We have two beating hearts!

Baby A was measuring 7 wks 1 day and had a heart rate of 126 bpm.

Baby B was measuring 7 wks 1 day (what a copy cat!) and had a heart rate of 132 bpm.

They looked much less like smudges and much more like tad poles today than they did at 5 weeks 2 days. :-)

RE was so great. He flipped on the 3D ultrasound and showed the spinal column, the head, the heart chambers, and the limb buds. Printed us lots of pictures and told us we had better bring the kids in to visit in another 6-7 months.

In related news…
I decided to switch OB’s as well. I ha given it a lot of thought, and while I love my OBGYN and chose him with the intention of him delivering our baby, he’s at the wrong hospital for our current situation. The hospital he is at is known as “The Baby Hospital” (sounds like the place to be right?). It has an excellent Level III NICU and cream of the crop birthing suites. However it uses a group of neonatologists I have come to know of in my line of work, and not fondly (the group rotates between a few hospitals in the area, so there is a different neonatologist with your child every day). It is also not affiliated with Children’s, so if the babies were very early and needed surgeries for any reason, they would need to be transported across town. Not a good idea for a neonate.

The hospital where my RE is based is part of the Medical College of Wisconsin and Children’s (and I work on the same medical campus, I walk through the tunnels to get to my RE appointments which I quite convenient!). I like teaching hospitals (that’s why I chose it for my RE) and while it’s not known for being the most fabulous experience to have your baby, it’s the safest. The birthing center is actually on the Children’s side, and if the babies need any specialized care, the best doctors in the state are right there with us. No transporting, no rotating neonatologists. I asked for a referral from RE to an OB at this hospital. He was more than happy to oblige and wholeheartedly agreed with our choice (and rationale) to switch.

Granted, I am a bit of a freak about babies, premies, NICU’s, etc (being in Birth-3 will do that to you!). I work with many mothers of multiples who were not freaks like me, had their babies at other hospitals, and then had to move them long before they were “term” to Children’s for surgeries. This was traumatic for everyone involved. I have a million other complaints and concerns I could quote, but I’ll stop with the fact that they have all stated they regretted their hospital choice.

I am bringing this all up to encourage others who may be newly pregnant with multiples (or maybe they will be soon and this post will stick in their head!) to think twice about the hospital their OB is affiliated with. Is there a Level 3 NICU? Do they have in-house neonatologists? How far is the nearest children’s hospital? These are all important questions to ask. And if you aren’t happy with the answer you can ALWAYS change. Doctors are used to patients needing to switch and they will certainly understand your choice. This is not the time to worry about hurt feelings. :-)

I am off my soap box now!

We are so thrilled with our two babies and I can not believe this is all really happening. We are planning to tell our parents tonight, and I can’t wait to start sharing (just a teensy bit) our secret!

Pregnancy Twins

5 Comments »
Apr 17

6 weeks 4 days and stream of consciousness

by Allie

First things first, please everyone go give Becky a virtual hug. She got an early beta yesterday at 7dp5dt and it was <0.5. She is heartbroken, to say the least, and wondering if they need to just "give up." Anyone who has been there before, at the "I don't think I can continue to put myself through this" point, please give her any advice you can. I don't think that "you'll get there, just keep trying!" is always right, although I know sometimes we all need a push of encouragement. If it were me, I would definitely not want to hear it, I would want to know how I know when enough is enough and it's time to move on. My whole body hurts for her right now, and I know I'm not the best person to talk to about it all. But I hope she knows I am thinking of her all the time and here at any point she decides she wants to talk.

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Infertility seems to be all over reality TV right now, and I am loving it! I have always adored Giuliana Rancic (E! News is basically my favorite show) and when I heard about her breast cancer diagnosis, my heart sank. How could she ever get pregnant now? Pregnancy is like speed for breast cancer. It is bad news. But her and Bill have stayed adamant in all their interviews that they WILL have a baby, they WILL use their embryos. Well G & B are back on air and if you didn't catch tonight's episode, spoiler alert! Their doctor obviously recommended they do NOT get pregnant in the next 3-5 years (she would be 40-42 by then) and they going to use a gestational carrier (surrogate is apparently inaccurate). Yay! I am so thrilled. I really think this means they might be pregnant right now and no one has known! I can't wait to find out. She has been so strong and graceful and open about all of this, they so deserve their family.

Khloe and Lamar's latest episode was an IF show of a different color. Kim comes to visit and adds to the pressure on Khloe of "why isn't she pregnant yet?" She even goes right out to say "why don't you try in-vitro?" And HELL YES good for Khloe for telling her (and all of us) how absurd of a question that is and how unfair all this pressure is! No one should ever act like IVF is something you just try. Grr. Khloe ended the episode by just simply saying, "I just never would have thought it would be this hard to get pregnant." Well put!

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As far as my news go, I feel like barf all the time. It has gotten drastically worse in the last week. I have yet to actually barf, but I feel like it basically non-stop. Brandon got me some raw [candied] ginger that I’ve been trying. It makes me feel better for about five minutes and I’m back to barfville. Work is borderline torture at times. Being with the babies is fine, I get to sit and stay in one place, but the toddlers are killing me. Getting on a trampoline with a two-year-old and teaching them how to jump is quite possibly the worst activity imaginable. Especially when the two-year-old would rather kick, scream, and run away then attempt jumping!

**************************************************

Three days until our ultrasound. I can’t wait! Our plan is to tell our parents this weekend after we have seen two healthy babes and two heartbeats. We are so excited to let them in on our big secret.

I am surprisingly not nervous at all. That is what’s fabulous about feeling like shit, it makes me confident we have definitely got some baby brewing inside me. :-)

Bad news IRL stuff Pregnancy Twins

2 Comments »
Apr 9

Give a little love…

by Allie

My very dear friend Becky has just started a blog, and you all should definitely go check it out and give her a little love.

She transferred two embryos today for FET#4, which was FET attempt #6 (after two were cancelled due to lining issues). She ended up with seriously nasty OHSS after her IVF in August, finally got pregnant in December, only to miscarry in January. Yet somehow, she has managed to keep her chin up and continue to support me and many others the whole time.

She talked me down when I thought I was going to get OHSS. When I got my [0.2] beta after my IVF, I spent the day with her in Madison and it somehow made everything feel okay. She was the first to congratulate me on my BFP and the first to hoot and holler at our twin discovery yesterday. She’s been there for all my up’s and down’s, and she is way overdue for some up’s of her own.

I hope with every bit of myself that today is the first day of the next nine months for her!

IRL stuff

4 Comments »
Apr 8

Relief, times TWO!

by Allie

I think this will be an Easter we will remember for a very long time, even though we had to miss church for our emergency ultrasound.

But all is okay. We saw TWO sacs, each with its own yolk sac. Absolutely perfect for 5 weeks 2 days. RE also saw that the blood was coming from my cervix. He says that the cervix can start to bleed as it softens, which is happening now because we have double the hormones raging.

RE said that I should expect to continue to bleed for the next 2-3 weeks, boo hiss. It should stay about the same as what I had this morning. We should only be concerned if I start saturating a pad and having intense cramps (right, like I would need to be told to be concerned if that happens?). He fully expects to show us two heartbeats on the 20th, as well as “some other cool anatomy.”

I am beyond relieved and completely overwhelmed at the same time. We went from thinking this could all be over to finding out we are having TWINS in an instant. Neither my head nor my heart can’t quite wrap itself around all of this right now.

All I know is I am so grateful. So grateful for these babies and the lives I have growing inside me. Thanks be to God, and happy Easter!

Pregnancy Twins

10 Comments »
Apr 8

Scary

by Allie

I am 5 weeks and 2 days and just started bleeding. Please, God, don’t let this be over.
We have an ultrasound in an hour. Prayers welcome.

Bad news Pregnancy

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Apr 2

An expected surprise

by Allie

First things first, I have a correction to my last post…my second beta was actually 948.3, not 908.3. Apparently I misheard the nurse and discredited my monster embryos by 40. So sorry, kids!

Also, I left off an important detail to this whole, “Holy-cow-we-are-totally pregnant-now-what” life I currently lead…next step is our ultrasound at 7 weeks, which will be April 20. I am SO excited. I always suspected I would be a nervous, paranoid wreck if I ever got pregnant. Now that I’m here, I am astonishingly calm, happy, and wanting to plan and prepare as much as I can. I’m not stupid though, so I really will wait for the real planning until the second tri. But the daydream planning is well under way!

Anywho, I think some of my optimism is coming from what all started last week. Let me catch you all up to speed…I really thought I was pregnant. When we heard those amazing words from the nurse, it was less a surprise and more a relief. If I had not been pregnant, I would have thought nothing in this world could ever be trusted! And here’s why….

1dp5dt: Little cramps and twinges start on the mid-lower right, they continue off and on until about 6dp5dt.

3dp5dt: Lightheadedness every time I move too quickly or stand up (orthostatic hypotension for any fellow PT’s, this is not common for me!).

5dp5dt: Lightheadedness is now accompanied by dizziness. Boobs feel heavy and tender. Not painful.

6dp5dt: Funky feelings start at about 10:30am. I feel hungry, hot, dizzy, and like my mouth is watering. This lasts til about 2.

7 and 8dp5dt: All of the above again, plus nausea. Exact same time of day.

8/9dp5dt: I wake up in the middle of the night before my beta…I literally shoot out of bed and run into walls trying to make it to the bathroom, feeling like I’m already barfing. No full-on puke, just spit-up in my mouth.

By the time my beta came back, I felt so pregnant I could taste it (or was that my mouth spit-up from last night?). I have always thought there is no truth to 2ww symptoms, but I stand corrected. Now that I’m in my 3ww (until ultrasound) all that nastiness is getting stronger by the day. And bring it on! Anytime I think I might puke or I need to sit back down, I go right back to daydream land and keep planning out what the next few years of our life will be like as a little family. Sigh… :-)

2ww BFP FET#1

5 Comments »
Apr 1

11dp5dt and holy high beta!

by Allie

Our second beta came back at 908.3! That is a doubling time of 26 hours. Um…whoa.
I think it is safe to say we very well may be joining the BOGO club.

BFP FET#1

8 Comments »
Mar 30

9dp5dt and holy moly!

by Allie

Not a creative title but my brain is going a million miles a minute right now!

My beta came back at 323. Three hundred and twenty three!!!

We are excited, relieved, overjoyed, beyond-words-grateful. I can’t even describe the feelings, there are so many.

In other news, I’m spotting. Just a little, it’s not red. I know there is nothing to do about and my HCG is crazy high but it’s making me a little extra worried. We will be back for a second beta on Sunday and surely that will help quiet my worries (right?).

I will have a lot more to share tomorrow but I can’t keep writing now, my head and my heart are too full. We are so grateful. So grateful. I truly cannot believe this is really happening. Thanks be to God!

BFP FET#1

6 Comments »
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